Shyness – Pastor Ed Lapiz
I’ve just heard this radio sermon and it resonated within me. I hope you can also learn from it. Pardon me if the article lacks transition at times. I tried to type the important points as the pastor was talking. There was no way to pause it as it’s streamed from the internet. Here you go:
Shyness has become a national stigma. Enslaved mothers produce enslaved children.
Our country produce a lot of slaves. Abroad, people abuse and enslave Filipinos. It’s rooted in our family system. We can’t answer to our parents, our elders.
When we’re young, we’re taught to talk but when we grow up, we’re told ‘wag kang sasagot.’ We’re also taught how to walk but when we get older, we’re told, ‘dito ka lang sa bahay.
Shyness is acquired because of lack of encouragement, lack of stimuli in the family, domineering friends, inferiority feelings, conditioning of the family, institution – people squeezing him of his uniqueness and of the energy of expressing this uniqueness.
Shyness is marked with excessive nervousness when facing strange people or situations, undignified posture and mannerisms.
Shy people are forced to comply or cooperate because we can’t voice out our opinions, inner feelings.
The results
1. inability to project one’s best – always a shadow of another person. There is beauty in uniqueness. But sometimes, it’s supressed so we look alike.
2. constant stress. There’s always tension, fear.
3. self-inflicted humiliation. We invite humiliation, abuse. Some people seem to say: Insult me, insult me, I will take it.
4. We abdicate our right to be heard.
5. obliged to act out of our will
6. unnecessary suffering. Eat what we don’t like. We don’t need to be ‘tau-tauhan’ and ruin our plans to accommodate others. We were taught to endure so much that we suffer unnecessarily.
7. always frustrated.
Common Preventions
1. correct parental example, instruction and encouragement, biblical teaching
2. voice out his concern. In the US, everyone will speak up when he thinks something is unfair. No one will cheat because he’s told so.
3. Love takes away shyness.
4. Give them simple things that you know they can succeed in. If you give them something beyond their reach, they will feel like failures. Don’t make them feel inadequate. Enable them to succeed so they will feel good about themselves.
5. Be confident. Kahit mukhang tiyanak, mukha nang maganda pag confident. Kahit original pa ang suot at kukuba-kuba, mukhang ninakaw lang sa punerarya.
6. There must be acceptance. Jesus welcomed children. But here, children are taught to be silent and to not answer back.
7. a lot of praise. If a person that you admire or is important to you says something good to you, you feel happy. Be generous with praise. Give people space to grow.
8. Don’t frustrate the child’s positive inclinations.
9. Prepare the children for possible failure, loss.
10. Give full development in physical, mental, spiritual aspects.
Cure
1. Overcome the past. Forget the negative things. Reprogram yourself. Everything that is learned can be unlearned. Don’t blame everything on the past.
2. Learn the things you’re insecure about. Education and practice will set us free from a lot of shyness. When you know where you stand, you lose your shyness.
3. Talk intimately with people you know. Attend socials, get used to people.
4. Speak up and speak out. Laugh, eat, react with more zest and more life. Disagree if you like and explain yourself. Ask questions. Dress up or dress down if you like. Learn to say no. Ang mga taong kagalang-galang, marunong humindi.
5. Accept your imperfections that can’t be changed. You’ve got to accept yourself. Otherwise, you’ll forever apologize for being alive. Enjoy life. Do what you want to do. When people don’t accept you, don’t feel so hopeless. Deep inside, you have to know and realize that ‘I’m a person that has a lot of love to give.’
6. Substitute strengths for weaknesses. Play up your strengths.
7. Go with people who have freed themselves from shyness.
8. Encourage one another. Nearly every person has some degrees of shyness.
Don’t let shyness be your limitation. It robs you of happiness. There’s so much to see, hear, touch, investigate and experience to enjoy life. Shy people dream in black & white, even in their dreams, everything is lifeless. Enjoy life as the Lord meant it to be enjoyed. Start small and move to bigger conquests.
Shy people fool themselves and shortchange God because we don’t use all our talents and gifts.
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In the Counsel of Elders 